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Codependence may seem like it is over-defined or over-applied to too many situations in life.
However, really, codependence has more or less worked its way into the mainstream of culture to the point where
movies, television, and other areas of life that mirror back cultural expectations are doing so in ways that
illustrate and demonstrate codependent styles of relating versus healthier more balanced inter-dependent styles
of relating. Codependence and all that it entails is rather an epidemic in today's society. - © A.J. Mahari
Codependence - Negative, Toxic
and/or Abusive Relationship Patterns
Codependency is a pattern of detrimental behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship. "A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior" (Beattie, M., Codependent No More).
Codependence is not something that can be defined or described in one way only. It has many definitions and applications to toxic relational patterns. One of many definitions of codependency is that it is a pattern of maladaptive and compulsive behavior that is learned by people in more than averagely dysfunctional families. Codependent relational patterns, such as enmeshment, collusion, feeling responsible for someone else's feelings or moods, accepting blame when they are unhappy, enabling alcohol or substance abuse or toxic/abusive behaviour of a loved one, in the here-and-now of adulthood are derived from unresolved issues that caused one to adapt them in order to survive in a family which is experiencing profound emotional pain and stress.
Codependency has almost become so common-place, so mainstream, that for more people than you might think it has become a sort of new-normal in terms of what is thought to be a loving relationship. Television and movies have long portrayed codependent love as being what love is. My favourite example of this is the movie Jerry McGuire, starring Tom Cruise. In that movie Cruise's character says to his love interest, "You complete me". This mirrors and forward the notion that somehow one needs another person to be a complete and balanced person. Nothing could be further from the truth. If one needs someone else to complete them or to give them a sense of being, or a sense of purpose, and so forth, than one is codependent. If one is codependent than one is not likely to experience healthy love.
Codependent relationships can indeed be long lasting when two people are enmeshed in ways that work for each of them. By "work" for them, what I really mean is that there is a negative payoff to the chaos and conflict or the enmeshed lack of said, for each person in the relationship. These relationships tend to be very intense and often unstable. Whether short in duration or long, one thing is common to all of these types of relationships - they are painful.
Many clients I have worked with and am currently working with in my capacity as a life coach are working to change long-standing codependent relational patterns. Life coaching can be very effective in helping those who are codependent identify what change they want, what goals need to be achieved to accomplish that change and then in the development of a strategies that will help the client get from point A to point B and to the new choices required to create the kind of change that can mean getting unstuck from codependent enmeshed and painful ways of relating.
You can read more about Codependence on my Self Help Web Site
As a life coach I provide a caring, compassionate, safe, confidential, non judgemental, validating and
supportive relationship within which clients can feel empowered to explore their present-day needs. I
essentially act as a human mirror for my clients. I share with my clients an outside and unbiased
perspective as to what I observe in listening to their feelings, experiences, and concerns.
Personal Coaching is not counseling, therapy or consulting.
If you would like to get more information about my life coaching sevices on the above listed issues or
an issue in your life that isn't listed above please email me at: tlc_services@rogers.com
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